If at First You Don’t Succeed

So, I didn’t get my dream job.

Shortly after I posted yesterday, Dad brought in the mail, which contained the letter with my test results. I only got 80%, and my rank among the other participants was not listed. At this point, I will not be moving on to an interview.

I cried a little (come on, I’d been holding my breath over this job for nearly a month), and then I got over it. And with a little soul searching, I had to admit that this wasn’t exactly my dream job like I’d been telling myself it was. I had simply invested myself into the dream of getting this position, of stepping into a stereotype I would have no qualms associating with. Really, the biggest thing I was hoping for was the pay.

Sure, it would have been almost ideal. It involves a lot of the elements I most enjoy in my workplace. But there are other areas where I could find equal or greater satisfaction. So I’m moving on.

Jo asked if I intended to wait a little while and see if anything happened to come of this endeavor. Honestly, I can’t afford to wait and bank on some thin hope that the other participants will not interview well and they’ll eventually reach my name on the list. For my own sanity, I need to get a job, if only a part-time one.

And here’s where I had to face the real problem at the heart of my job-searching: I am one of those people who excels in areas about which I am not passionate. This job opportunity afforded me a chance to pursue one of my passions. However, with where I am right now, I simply am unsuited to such a position. My strengths and experience would be better applied elsewhere.

Acknowledging this fact really hurts. Turns out, my strengths are best applied in administrative positions or retail, and I am passionate about neither of those types of job. What I am passionate about is connecting, gaining information and sharing it, creating, and exploring.

So now I’m trying to find a compromise as I readjust my dreams. Remember that 5-Year Plan I’ve been trying to develop? It’s starting to look something like this: find a well-paying job that draws on my strengths and experience in office administration, and in my free time develop skills in areas closer to my passion, so in the future I am better equipped to cross the line into working where my heart is.

The only element about this plan that I can’t stand is the time involved. Ugh. Why does adulting require so much effort?


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