Emerging from My Cave

Something about March always makes me feel like my life has stalled. I wish I could figure out what it is.

It’s been one of those months were a lot has happened inside my head, but outside of my head things have been pretty mundane. My reading has slowed a bit (I’m still ahead, though); my writing has completely frozen, despite my attempts at Camp NaNo; the weather has been dreary; and I caught the dreaded cold that’s been going around.


Regarding my No Spend budget for March, I had to adjust it a little because $50 turned out to be not quite enough for a month’s worth of food. (It would have been more adequate had I not needed pizza.) I still stayed under my overall goal of $150, and used some gift cards to buy books so I only ended up spending about $5 of my “reward money” for those. I’m calling it a success.

Also, I found a couple of good recipes during a bout of meal prepping at the beginning of March, so I’ll be sharing those soon.

The biggest news is that I’ve decided to make a trip to visit Eli this summer. I’ve had a vague idea of going for a while now, but one day a couple of weeks ago I decided on a date, and that was that. Now I have something to look forward to. Turns out I’m the sort of person who needs some single big goal to focus on, even if it never comes to fruition: a new job, a new car, moving, writing a new book…. Now a week-long solo trip to visit my brother in my least favorite state but one. I used another gift card to get myself a proper carry-on bag and I already have a packing list in progress. Tickets are purchased and a cousin has been contacted to host me. (That will be blog material in and of itself. She’s like the real-life version of a Disney princess and I barely know her.)

Calli and I agree that our lives are somewhat lacking in direction at present. It’s a little terrifying/disappointing to know that this is life. Maybe all of that reading as a child was detrimental to my emotional health, because it seems like I’m missing something.

To fill the void left by the teaching position I gave up on Sundays – and to give me a sense of purpose – I’ve told Calli that we need to start organizing singles’ activities over the year. In addition to forcing me to be social, making plans I can’t flake on, and challenge myself, it would be “going rogue” in a sense, which adds some much-needed appeal.

How would it be going rogue? Calli vented about it much better than I could, but there’s a decided lack of life and connection within our peer group. Everyone is so focused on being “spiritual” (shoving the Bible into every aspect of any social event) that we don’t allow ourselves to be human, and it is starting to cause some real issues. There was a time when we could sit down and talk nonsense, but that nonsense turned into meaningful conversation that helped us connect. It wasn’t forced; we were at a place where we felt welcomed and wanted, valued and validated. We don’t have that any more, because everyone is too concerned with making sure Jesus is present.

Call me crazy, but it seems to me that being honest with each other about our victories and our trials, talking about the real-life issues we deal with on a daily basis, and finding a balance between talking and listening is more what Jesus had in mind when He told us to edify each other and to reflect Him in our lives.

But that’s a rant for another day. Since the people that have been put in charge either don’t seem eager to listen to our concerns or simply don’t realize something is wrong, we’ve decided to be adults and deal with it on our own. Also, we’d rather not have every activity arranged by a young married couple who aren’t in a position to be good mentors and authority figures.

We’ll see where this goes.

My plans for the rest of April aren’t too spectacular: preparing the garden for the year, working on my worm bin, continuing to get my budget in order (I’m doing much better!), and trying not to become a recluse.


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